“Black & purple tendrils”
I suddenly just realized I was in a dream. No trigger. I think I knew for a while and just wasn’t really thinking about it. At first, there was nothing as the first dream faded away how they always do. I imagined myself kneeling on the ground on one knee until the dream stabilized. This actually took a ton of willpower. The room was black and purple with a square wooden table at the center of the room. It was super dark with black and purple tendrils crawling across my vision. I think there were also bay windows behind the table but as far as I could tell there was nothing else in the room. But I felt super unsafe there. Not like something was going to attack me but in the sense that reality wasn’t grounded. I’ve been having a lot more times in waking life where my sense of reality is distorted and it felt kind of felt like that kind of fear. The whole room was just imbued with fear and I knew I needed to get myself out of there. I started willing myself to leave and the room would start spinning as the black tendrils grew in size obscuring my view more and more. But it took huge amounts of willpower to keep the room spinning and when I reduced the intensity of my focus it would stop spinning leaving me in the same scary room where I started. My sense of panic increased every time I tried to leave the room and couldn’t, which happened the same way via spinning probably 4-5 times. I’m honestly surprised that I didn’t lose lucidity because at this point the feeling of panic was so strong. The last time the room started spinning it settled on an entirely black dreamscape where I felt safe and felt I had escaped… and just then I lost lucidity. This is the first time I didn’t lose lucidity by waking up so I must have just gone back into regular dreaming. I guess as soon as I started feeling safe I might not have been focusing as hard on maintaining the dream.
One thing I’ve been working on in the past couple of weeks is being self-reliant in moments of panic and trusting that I can get myself through any feeling no matter how scary it is. And this kind of felt like an odd test of that ability.